trying mommy-hood on

this past week has been filled with our darling nieces
between baby elena visiting with abby
and tending kennady for the weekend,
i felt as though i was trying on mommy pants.

when i was a nanny 5 years ago i learned the balancing act
but every night i handed them back to their parents.
and even though i loved those boys as much as possible...
these darling girls are family.

each day as elena and abby spend time at the store
i'm learning how to tend her while trying to balance manager duties.
the benefit of working with family is the chance to figure it out.
i begin to question if it is something i can continue when the time comes to have our own precious little ones.

the real adventure might have been having kennady and elena at the same time.
but somewhere deep inside....
i enjoyed each moment.

taking kennady out with me to feed the calf,
tend to the pigs and give the chickens over ripe tomatoes was easily one of the highlights of saturday.
imagining the future of teaching our {someday} children farm chores
and endless other things of importance has me looking to the future with eagerness.

i found myself with a new level of patience and energy during the hours and days with each niece.
watching mitchel tend to elena one evening warmed my heart.
i look forward to the day i look over and see him tending to our little one.

sunday evening after ashley picked up kennady,
i looked at mitch and told him motherhood looks good on me.
he responded "yes, but i'm so worn out"

{mommy practice}

Yesterday was a lazy day in our household. Mostly because we got back from our trip late Saturday night and we managed to re-gain some sleep, unpack all our camping gear and snuggle with our boys. We met up with my mom and sisters at the 24hr pet urgency care in orem to support Savannah. Her sweet Desert wasn't doing well and I felt super sad for her. It was the least I could do to support her. {long story short, Desert is home and recouping}

Once back home I started not feeling well.I did something to my shoulder and 2 days of pain... I was definitely babying it, upset tummy and a oncoming headache. We curled up with the boys and watched a movie. After the movie Mitch had me go feed the boys.... in Cezar's room I found barf everywhere. Poor baby was obviously not feeling well and made a huge mess all over his room and on his rugs. It was the last thing I cared to do since I was feeling miserable myself. I cleaned up the mess, Mitch put the rugs into wash, put cezar to bed and crawled back into my bed to rest. Mitch brought the boys back up shortly and let them rest with me. I was dozing off when Cezar kept pacing around my head... next thing I know.... BARF everywhere again. I about cried. I was feeling worse, my head was throbbing and I was now covered with throwup. After cleaning up the mess with Mitch's help, I crawled back into bed and was ready to call it a night.

Mitch came up a half hour later with Cezar trying to snuggle him since he was sick. Everything seemed to be okay. BUT GUESS WHAT?!! Cezar decided he wasn't done and covered Mitch with some sick puppy loves. Sigh.



I suppose this is good practice for the future when I'm far from par and my sweet baby decides to be sick too. Oh and sweet Cezar seems to be feeling much better today. I guess three times a charm.

Mothers Day

A special thank you to my incredible mommy who does SO much for me!! Thanks for ALWAYA being there for me!! Your pretty amazing mom!! It's a true story ;) I love you!!

Also Happy mothers day to me :) lol even though my boys are fluffy... I'm still a mommy!! {Even if Mitch rolls his eyes} :)

{Thoughts on Motherhood}

I've been rolling these thoughts around in my head for quite awhile...
and I've decided that I should write them down for journal purpose.

Just over 3 years ago I had a strong prompting to be a nanny. I was dating someone in Cali at the time and had hopes that I could find a job out there so we could continue out relationship. I was on 3 different nanny sites trying to find the right family. I wasn't having much luck with Cali, and decided to browse families in Utah. {{Needless to say, that relationship didn't last and I started dating my best friend - Mitch}} I found the Harts and was immediately interested. I started talking to Amy about the position and what they needed. It seemed to be a perfect fit and I felt very good about taking the job. {I found it interesting that so many people had an opinion whether or not I would be able to handle being a nanny and even be good at it.} I invited Amy and the boys to come to Pumpkinland so we could meet and see if it'd be a good match. She had 3 boys at the time. Kaden 5, Chaz 3 and Kellen 6 months. I instantly fell in love with all of them! Everything fell into place and I started work as their nanny on Nov. 5, 2007.



Being a nanny was hard work. I fell in love with those boys like they were my very own. When you take care of someone everyday there is a very special bond that is built. I enjoyed 'almost' every moment I had with them ;) We spent a lot of time playing, coloring, cooking, making forts, playing outside, learning.... We also spent time learning how to work together, how to interact with each other, learn how to respect each other, and how to understand each other. There were days it was a challenge but then there were the days that were completely rewarding! I was their nanny for just over a year. I wouldn't trade that year for anything!!



Even to this day I still adore spending time with them! I love them so incredibly much! They taught me a lot about being a 'mommy' and I thank Amy and Steve for letting me into their home and for letting me take care of their precious angels! There are days I truly miss being apart of their every day lives! But now I'm in the middle of starting my family...

After being a nanny and taking care of someone everyday... I surely missed that. I had been wanting a puppy for about a year... Mitch and I went to look at puppies one evening. Mitch wanted a BIG dog and I wanted a purse puppy. We fell in love with the Miniature American Eskimos {a compromise} and the sweet pet store let us hold one.... we were hooked! We even came up with a name if we were to get him. I thought about that puppy ALL weekend long!! I kept 'begging' Mitch to let me get him. {We were still just dating}. Monday rolls around and I finally 'convinced' him to let me get him. But when I called the pet store to purchase him, I found out that he had been bought. I was devastated. Later that evening it turns out that my sweet Mitchel had bought him for me as a ValentineOne year dating anniversary gift. I was so excited!



I was a mommy at last! I had my own little boy to take care of.
{I had 2 dogs before when I was young. I liked the dogs but the responsibility was too much at that age. We had them for a few years and then ended up giving them away}
This time it was different. Jake became my little man and I loved going out to the park with him, hanging out with him and kissin' of him. It was a good year. Taking care of a puppy was like taking care of Kellen, but with Jake I could leave him home with out worrying too much. lol.

Later that summer Mitch finally proposed to me. We were really excited to get married and start our lives together. Mitch learned what it was like to live with a dog and me and I learned to live with him. There were good days and there were challenging days. And they were ALL worth it! We even took Jake with us on our first camping trip... I enjoyed taking my little man and spending time with my family.



Jake even got tired like a little child and I had to carry him... {I love this picture}

During out first summer of marriage I was 'dying' to be a mom to a baby. Mitch and I had many discussions about becoming parents. I desperately wanted to be a mommy. We didn't have insurance quite yet. We were living in a 2 bedroom apartment, we were both working full time, we had Jake {who lived in the 2nd bedroom}, we had Sombrita - my kitty, and it wasn't coming together as quickly as I was wanting it. It was a long summer. I cried a lot. Then we were in the process of buying our first home. Oh the stress of buying a house... especially as 1st time home buyers. Things got busy. We went on a cruise to the Caribbean. We came home and moved in our house. October came... as well as Pumpkinland. Then one afternoon Faith and I were hanging out and stopped by the pet store... We saw the most adorable litter of Eskimo puppies. And I knew I wanted another one! Mitch and I had talked many times about getting another puppy to keep Jake company but Mitch was adamant about having just 2 pets. {Mitch highly disliked my kitty and it was a cause of many disagreements... I knew that it would be better for my marriage to find him a new home} .... so I decided that now a good time to make that change and Mitch agreed to letting me bring home a new puppy as long as I gave Sombrita up. A addition was made to my little family. We brought Cezar home and I soon realized that the urge to have a baby wasn't there anymore. Cezar seemed to fill that need for the time.



October soon turned into November and Pumpkinland soon turned into major clean up...
We all joke that Pumpkinland is an extra dose of birth control because we see hundreds of kids a day. Happy kids, sad kids, screaming kids.... just lots and lots of kids. It definitely slowed my desire of my own children.
November also brought on mild depression. I was struggling.
The thought of doing dishes some days was more then I could process.
Then things started looking better and days started being better towards the end of November. I thought a lot about being a mom this past year.... and then I was absolutely content with my life. It was a wonderful blessing and realization that I have a good life and I need to live my life in the moment and stop planning and making the future happen.

Mitch is turning 25 this year, I'm turning 24. We are both young. We have the ability to enjoy life right now and really enjoy our marriage. There are SO many things I want to do before I have children now!! I want to go on a cruise to the Mediterranean - see Italy, Greece, Turkey and Egypt. I want to travel!!

YES I want to be a mom! Someday. I think about being a mom right now and it scares me! I know I'll be a good mom. I truly enjoyed being a nanny. I'm scared that I'll have a mental break down. I know that being a mother would be absolutely wonderful and rewarding. I also know that it will be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm just not ready to take that on quite yet. And its okay. I'm allowed to enjoy my life and my marriage right now and think about having children another day.

I'll be a mommy someday....

but for now I'm thoroughly enjoying being a mommy to these darling little men!!