my dream of who i want to be when i grow up is finally materializing.
this morning as i was reading my garden magazine i came across this beautiful word. okay so it's a little foreign... but it encompassed everything that has been running through my mind for the past year or so. remember a month or so ago when i recapped my 25th year?? it was the year that i began to 'become' myself. i'm only two months into my 26th year now... but all the puzzle pieces are fitting together and i'm beginning to see the whole picture.
growing up i never took to the homemaking skills. i probably even fought my mother on such tasks. she stills remembers and likes to recall to my memory when i was newly married and asked her why she never taught me how to cook {??}. my mom, not only taught me, but was an excellent example. somewhere through the years i had 'conveniently' forgotten.
there was the time i asked her why she hadn't included me in the canning of the fall harvest. {mind you, i remember watching her many nights growing up in the kitchen preserving the summer bounty until late in the night.}
and if i'm honest with myself... i even remember learning how to sew. plus i'm fairly certain i remember the basics, even if i occasionally ask my sisters to mend something for me.
never in my entire life would i have imagined the importance of learning such skills. gratefully we don't live in a society that needs such knowledge {not yet at least}. but now, i can't acquire enough of these skills.... this spring i was determined to learn how to butcher a chicken and cook it for dinner. a few years ago i was able to participate with my sister's hunting and harvesting of a deer, but taking things into my own hands and not just watching was important to me. somewhere deep inside i was craving the chance to learn these vital skills. with verbal instructions i made it through my first butchery by myself. i don't think i have been more proud.
during christmas break last year i watched many documentaries about food and meat. learning the ugly truth of where our food is grown and harvested.... it never urged me to become vegetarian. but it did urge me to learn where my food came from. ultimately my goal is to have my own livestock and so forth.
naturally, with my incredible husband, who could be described as a city boy, hasn't come around to my dreams 100%.....{yet}. asking him where the meat of the grocery store comes from, he answers 'the store'. for some people it is challenging to associate the face of an animal with their meal. i remember the deer that i took part in the killing, harvesting and cooking. there was a small battle going on internally, but i can't deny that was some of the most tasty meat i have tasted.
once upon a time people used to travel from farmer to farmer to purchase their grocery needs. death was a part of life. now we are able to drive to the store and pick out what ever cut of meat or vegetable or fruit that we need for our meals. no longer do we associate our foods with nature and farming....
my dream for the future. i want, need, desire to have my own land. to have a self sufficient farm. growing and raising fruits, vegetables and livestock for our table. re-acquainting friends and family and community with their food. teaching and introducing people with the joys of gardening and preserving the abundance of the summer harvest. knowing exactly what is in their food.
i find such immense joy in the 'pings' of my jars sealing as they sit on my counter after filling them with the garden harvest. i believe everyone should know that sound and joy.
our world is troubled, and i don't know where the future will take us. however! i finally hear what my soul is calling to me, i know what i dream of. today i will focus on my small corner lot homestead and dream of the future. until then, perhaps i may spark someone else's fire and teach them a little of what i am learning and aspiring to become.
someday i will become a "well rounded' balabusta.
until then i'll process one jar at a time,
share the joys of gardening one plant at a time,
and someday i will be the proud owner of my own self sufficient homestead.
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