einstein and avocado

i seem to have a continual script running through my mind the last couple of weeks.
between endless hours at work, managing tasks at home, the urge to be creative, the endless to-do list that continually compounds....  and all the other minor thoughts that run through my mind....
i'm having trouble balancing everything.
last week was especially challenging for me.

marriage is a wonderful blessing.
simply put -- there is always someone on your team.
unfortunately i feel as though it was one of the weeks where we were looking out for ourselves and didn't team up to take on the world.
it happens.
maybe in my exhaustion and selfishness i wasn't aware of something that mitch was dealing with,
or i was simply focused on myself and needed all the attention on me.
for whatever the case... it was a challenge.
and those seem to be the times that a good cry and a verbal vomit are a necessity.



on a completely different note --
i picked up my pigs on monday.
they are a york and hampshire cross.
boy and girl - einstein and avocado.
14 weeks old and rather shy so far.
these darling little pigs smell like old people and salty play dough.
i adore avocado's speckled bum and her timid way.
einstein is quite the little man.

a few things i've learned about pigs --
1) they are not soft like dogs or calves....
2) they are a solid animal... not one meant to be snuggled
3) so far they are not in love with human interaction.... {which will make it easier to raise for dinner}
4) again - they smell like old people and salty play dough and their poops look like my doggy poops.
5) they absolutely love tomatoes.

once again i'm grateful for a grandpa who is allowing me to try on the farm girl boots.
i'm loving every minute of it {so far}

balabusta

balabusta - yiddish for "a good housekeeper"

my dream of who i want to be when i grow up is finally materializing.

this morning as i was reading my garden magazine i came across this beautiful word. okay so it's a little foreign... but it encompassed everything that has been running through my mind for the past year or so. remember a month or so ago when i recapped my 25th year?? it was the year that i began to 'become' myself. i'm only two months into my 26th year now... but all the puzzle pieces are fitting together and i'm beginning to see the whole picture.

growing up i never took to the homemaking skills. i probably even fought my mother on such tasks. she stills remembers and likes to recall to my memory when i was newly married and asked her why she never taught me how to cook {??}. my mom, not only taught me, but was an excellent example. somewhere through the years i had 'conveniently' forgotten.

there was the time i asked her why she hadn't included me in the canning of the fall harvest. {mind you, i remember watching her many nights growing up in the kitchen preserving the summer bounty until late in the night.}

and if i'm honest with myself... i even remember learning how to sew. plus i'm fairly certain i remember the basics, even if i occasionally ask my sisters to mend something for me.

never in my entire life would i have imagined the importance of learning such skills. gratefully we don't live in a society that needs such knowledge {not yet at least}. but now, i can't acquire enough of these skills.... this spring i was determined to learn how to butcher a chicken and cook it for dinner. a few years ago i was able to participate with my sister's hunting and harvesting of a deer, but taking things into my own hands and not just watching was important to me. somewhere deep inside i was craving the chance to learn these vital skills. with verbal instructions i made it through my first butchery by myself. i don't think i have been more proud.

during christmas break last year i watched many documentaries about food and meat. learning the ugly truth of where our food is grown and harvested.... it never urged me to become vegetarian. but it did urge me to learn where my food came from. ultimately my goal is to have my own livestock and so forth.

naturally, with my incredible husband, who could be described as a city boy, hasn't come around to my dreams 100%.....{yet}. asking him where the meat of the grocery store comes from, he answers 'the store'. for some people it is challenging to associate the face of an animal with their meal. i remember the deer that i took part in the killing, harvesting and cooking. there was a small battle going on internally, but i can't deny that was some of the most tasty meat i have tasted.

once upon a time people used to travel from farmer to farmer to purchase their grocery needs. death was a part of life. now we are able to drive to the store and pick out what ever cut of meat or vegetable or fruit that we need for our meals. no longer do we associate our foods with nature and farming....

my dream for the future. i want, need, desire to have my own land. to have a self sufficient farm. growing and raising fruits, vegetables and livestock for our table. re-acquainting friends and family and community with their food. teaching and introducing people with the joys of gardening and preserving the abundance of the summer harvest. knowing exactly what is in their food.

i find such immense joy in the 'pings' of my jars sealing as they sit on my counter after filling them with the garden harvest. i believe everyone should know that sound and joy.

our world is troubled, and i don't know where the future will take us. however! i finally hear what my soul is calling to me, i know what i dream of. today i will focus on my small corner lot homestead and dream of the future. until then, perhaps i may spark someone else's fire and teach them a little of what i am learning and aspiring to become.

someday i will become a "well rounded' balabusta. 
until then i'll process one jar at a time,
share the joys of gardening one plant at a time,
and someday i will be the proud owner of my own self sufficient homestead.

out with the old and in with the new

i realized yesterday as i was wiping my iphone clean... i hadn't downloaded pictures from it since last may. it kind of baffled me. looking back, life had treated really well over the past year. apparently we've been living life and enjoying it. i'm glad i got the chance to glance through those pictures from all those months. what a perfect reminder of all the good.

the reason for wiping the iphone clean and turning it back to factory settings.... we made the switch to a new phone provider and picked up new phones while we were at it. we don't want to make much of a political statement about it, but when news broke that the goverment is requiring all verizon's customers phone records... it makes us uncomfortable. not that we have anything to hide. we just value our freedoms and have no desire to have anyone snooping around in our phone records.

who doesn't love a reason to upgrade though? ;) galaxy 4s - yes please. holy smokes it kicks our old phones tushes! goodbye 3g and helloooo 4g! it's amazing how fast technology improves!! and the 13mp camera on the galaxy--- amazing!!!! the above photos are from my new sidekick. i'm kind of in love.

day dreaming

i think it's natural to day dream whenever you are traveling. imagining living in the place you are visiting and exploring. as mitch and i drove through ventura we passed this gorgeous home and wondered what it would be like to live a few blocks from the beach. living in such a beautiful coastal town. taking the boys to play in the ocean everyday.... the pace of the town was calling to us. we even pulled up mitch's property app and looked at home prices.

we loved walking the pier/boat harbor. listening to the sea lions, the tourists, and watching everyone and their dog enjoying the evening. it was magical if you asked me.

but when it really comes down to it... i'm in love with my home. born and raised here in utah i don't know if i could ever find another place that speaks to my heart the same. not to mention there is no yards to speak of in california. i think that my quarter acre corner lot may be small for my grand goals of gardening... but coming home to my yard it seemed ginormous. yes i may be envious of california's growing conditions... however i'm 100% in love with my home, my yard, and being near family.

when i really dream of our future, i dream of property. never in a million years did i anticipate my heritage, my upbringing, my roots to surface in such a manor. i want to have a homestead. mitch wants enough property to have a 'go cart track', i want plenty of space to garden, raise chickens and some livestock {mitch hasn't fallen in love with my ideas yet....}. the more we watch the news and hear of the unfortunate events world wide, the more we want our little place of heaven. a place that we can develop and grow and tend.

so as appealing as california can be. how amazing the coast line is. our dreams keep us here. growing together and building our future in our home state.

a little bit of february

february is almost over and it seems like yesterday was the first.
it's been a wonderful and full month so far.
i spend every day at work and barely squeeze an hour or two off right now.
on the bright side i truly love my job.

we are attempting to get into a solid work out routine and improve our nutrition.
p90x is quiet the program and we'll need to work into it {that's for sure}
it does feel good getting into healthier habits.
however we have had quiet the week of indulgence....
who could resist with valentine's day and brunch with close friends
and meeting up for dinner with them before a chick flick last night.
alyson and i decided we need to 'practice' girl's night... because the boys tagged along.
i suppose that might be the case for the rest of our lives.... partly because mitch and joe are like brothers.

spring is starting to tease us.
and my flower beds at home are showing signs of life.
i seriously can't wait for the days to lengthen and for it to gradually get warmer.
my life needs more color and the garden is the ultimate source

we said goodbye to the jeep
{what a nightmare of a story}
and i now inherit the hybrid and mitch is driving his {current} dream vehicle - a big bad truck.
{oddly enough} i already love it.
comfortable, smooth ride and huge cab - with plenty of room for the boys.
i strongly believe that dogs should never ride in a truck bed!

next friday is the first of March
and it's the beginning of my most favorite month.
{i'm crossing my fingers the snakes stay out of my greenhouse}
the greenhouse will quickly fill with all my 'baby' plants and my soul will be happy.
and my body will be tired.... in a good way.

an unthinkable tragedy

yesterday the unthinkable happened.
a shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut
innocent children were robbed of their life by a horrible man.
our world is a scary place
and having constant access via media about everything bad happening in this world....
sometimes you need to turn everything off and remember the good.

after work last night i came home and did a few chores.
i was tempted to sit down at the computer and spend some me time catching up on everything
however i quickly changed my mind and decided to enjoy the quiet and safety of my home.
mitchel was still at work, the dishes were checked off the to do list....
i pulled out my lug of fresh walnuts waiting to be cracked and shelled
turned on some christmas music and enjoyed some time with my boys
no matter how rotten and evil the world may be, there are still many things to be grateful for.

last night i enjoyed kissing on my boys and snuggling up to mitchel for a little while.

i can't even imagine what the families are going through with the loss of their children....
my heart goes out to them and my prayers are with them.

i'm beyond grateful for my little family and the safety we are blessed with and the comfort of each other.
i pray i will never face such tragedy.

i may just be a farm girl

growing up we had chickens. my momma thought they would teach us responsibility and give us character. it's incredibly easy to love baby chicks and be gun hoe in the beginning..... until they turned into the dreaded chore. i remember getting scolded by my grandma for washing the eggs clean in the kitchen sink, having to brave the dark cold night if i had forgotten to feed and water them and round them up in the afternoons after they spent time out free range (good thing our dog, Cassie managed it most times for us.) i swore up and down that i would never ever ever have chickens when i was grown up.

i've been surprised by my 25 year old self many times this year. it's as though i have truly arrived in my person. growing up i have sworn off a shocking amount of 'i will never's'. and believe it or not, i have eaten a good majority of my words. (i suppose that is a common occurrence(?))

we also had a small fruit orchard growing up. i hated picking up all the fallen fruit, fresh or rotten. i would have never guessed i'd want fruit trees in my own yard once grown up. currently i have 2 peach, a plum and an apple tree in my yard. another peach and pear tree waiting to be planted. there is something inticing about growing your own fruit and vegetables. perhaps it's knowing where they come from and knowing what they have been treated with. either way.... there is nothing more fulfilling than eating your own goods that you have labored over during the season.

back to chickens. this year (more like this fall) i have dreamed about bringing home my own laying hens. mitch is against it (for the time begin). during the spring i tracked down some beautiful silky chicks from a local guy. he hatched them and i told him to bring what he had to the store. i was determined to add them to our collection for pumpkinland. silkies are beautiful, not exactly known as layers though. i brought them into the greenhouse with me during april while i planted my plugs. may came and it was a challenge to spend any good time with them... before i knew it, they were gorgeous and out back with our other chickens. i've spent the last month or two dreaming about charming little chicken houses and collecting my own fresh eggs from my back yard. i'm deciding that the self sufficient movement is growing on me. the last thing i want to do is don a skirt and live in the country with out technology..... but i am determined to become more aware of what i do eat and so forth.

i think the point i'm trying to get at..... i'm beginning to realize how much of a farm girl i really am.



now, if only  i can conquer my fear of snakes.

the next morning

yesterday was election day. i voted for the second time.
unfortunately the man i voted for didn't win. instead our current president, obama was re-elected.
i pray for america in the coming days, weeks and years that we can see beneficial change.
it's a challenging time for our country.

i do look forward to all the political ads and bashing to subside
hopefully sooner than later.
its crazy how torn our nation is when it comes to political parties.
wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all come together and work on making america a better place.....

verbal vomit

sometimes i'm beyond exhausted when i come home from work and can barely manage to do anything. tonight being one of those nights. it is also paired with zero patience/tolerance for anything. i'm not the nicest wife when those are combined...... all i want to do is lay still and not be bothered. the tiniest thing will set me off. i'm sorry mitchel for snapping and having my attitude drive you downstairs. i'm pretty sure i could fall asleep right now. however it's only 7:40 right now. the poor boys could really use some time out. since mitch is in training in slc right now and i'm working all day, i feel like the boys need more time out and about as well as time with us. sigh.

last night we got invited to go to some castle of chaos mystery something or another by joe. i totally bailed on the idea after giving it a minute thought. i had no desire to spend our halloween out on the town. instead i wanted to curl up in bed and hide from the trick or treaters. i'm definitely an old fart. i did make it up to mitch by watching a scary movie with him. {he really wanted to go with joe and alyson} grateful the movie was along the lines of zombies and it was horrifying. rather intriguing surprisingly enough.

today at work i enjoyed the quiet that immediately arrives with november. good bye october. it was fun. i probably won't start missing you until next year. i think it has to do with the thousands of children i see all through pumpkinland. it's appalling how poorly behaved kids are these days. if i ever tried to pull half the crap they do, i would have gotten a good spanking. thank you mom and dad for teaching me manners and how to be a good person. october also acts as a double dose of birth control. we are 3 years married and i'm still not ready for children. abby however is 3 months married and is so excited that she found out she was pregnant. i'll be an aunt again. abby will be an incredible mother and i'm so happy for her. this is exactly what is wants.

i've just about doubled if not tripled the amount of caffeine i need to manage my days over the last month of two. it's not good. but it keeps me going. i need to get back in to a exercise routine as well. especially since the store hours have changed to 9-5 for the winter months. my tummy would appreciate some toning up again.

we've lived in our home just over two years now and i'm finally ready to 'polish' it off. i'm craving new furniture. charming decor. curtains for my office. more pictures for our walls. a new table for the kitchen. matching bedroom dresser to our bed.

perhaps i just needed a few minutes to just vomit my thoughts out here. its therapeutic.  

passing of a very sweet life

there were moments today that i wish i could have captured with my camera.
instead i stood by being respectful and praying i could remember clearly the tender moments that took place.
grandma dayley quickly took a turn for the worse this week
and mitch and i were able to make arrangements for us to quickly come to idaho to be with family.
we had intentions of leaving yesterday afternoon
however with a pile of laundry and a house that needed to be prepped for our absence
we didn't make the drive up until this morning.
arriving in chubbuck about 1:30 we were able to see grandma one more time
we were able to hold her hand and tell her we love her.
as i've spent the afternoon surrounded by family i was able to see how much love they had for her.
she was a wife, a wonderful mother and a loving grandma.
she was dedicated to the lord
grandpa treated her as his queen. the way every woman dreams of.
he was her primary care taker the past couple of years as her health has dwindled.
she was a sweet and soft spoken lady and i'm grateful for the privileged i had to met her and have her as my grandma.
this morning as i was curled up in bed, i read some of the most beautiful words written by my mother in law about grandma.
as i listened to everyone recall their favorite memories of her this afternoon...
grandma was an incredible woman and i wish i had known her longer.
as her time here came to an end, i'm grateful that i was able to watch the men {grandpa, dad, uncle eric and mitch} bless her one last time.
a blessing of release.
the spirit was strong and i'm so grateful for my testimony of life after death.
i look forward to the day i get to meet grandma and get to know her more.
her passing is saddening but filled with so much joy and happiness
perhaps that comes from knowing that her life was well lived and her time here was done.
i was blessed watching grandpa so lovingly kissing her good bye, talking sweetly to her and holding her hand.
i pray that my marriage will reflect such love and devotion and kindness with time.

changes

smiles.
catching up.
dead ends.
moving forward.
happy.
hoping things work out.
one foot in front of another.

wishing

wishing my days could be spent at home with these darling little men.

sleeping in, snuggles, morning light.....

that would be the perfect way to spend everyday

running through my head

girl's night with my sweet lady Jaclyn// constantly craving to be in my comfy bed. I've been more fatigued lately// packing healthy lunches// cooking dinners often. all the fresh produce helps// enjoying more evenings in the back yard// my coneflowers are breath-taking this year!// meet Mavrick our new store kitty. he was a stray that I bribed with food to come near. 4 days later he's such a sweet friendly little guy.he's already earned his keep.// my blueberries keep disappearing.... I finally managed to pick a few for myself.// evening harvest of a heirloom tomato and my first artichoke from the garden. it was delicious. 

-----------

I talked myself into Pilates Monday night. It had been too long. I never regret a workout and I'm so glad I went. This week seems to be on a better path because of it. Plus I was able to make it to Yoga Wednesday morning {before the dentist}it was exactly what I needed {as always}. I'm looking forward to yoga tomorrow morning too. Summer has managed to keep me away from the gym so far. I've enjoyed living life but am glad I'm getting back into the swing of working out. 

Mitch and I had planned on going up to Bear Lake next weekend. Financing don't agree with that idea. We've decided to spend that vacation time at home and are very much looking forward to it. Perhaps I'm turning into an oldie.... I prefer spending time at home. 

We have been living it up the last few weekends. After Abby's wedding we had her darling friend Vanessa stay the night with us and we all went out to a late night movie. Boy did my body revolt against me. I did have a wonderful time with Vanessa, Peter and Mitch though. Mitch and Joe talked me into another late night movie last Saturday. I was smart enough to drink some caffeine before going. We saw the new Batman. Amazing show. Surprised I handled the lateness so well {thank you Caffeine} and perhaps that's the reason I've continued being more exhausted. Mitch and I felt 'young' again {pre-wedding} since we were out so late. 

On a morbid note... I'm grateful to know that if Mitch were to ever pass and my Nanna wasn't married that she would totally move in with me. Mitch and I talked a little about it since I saw the updated life insurance on the table today. He said he'd want me to sell the house and move home. In my mind I'm thinking no way jose. I'd stay in our cute little home with my charming yard and with my two fur babies. I would be happy. Moving home {I love you family but....} not my happy thought. Good thing Mitch isn't going anywhere soon!!! PHEW.

My goal tonight was to come home and weed out two large buckets of weeds. Mitch went shooting with Joe and Chase. So it was perfect for me to spend time in the yard. I'm not someone to easily jump back into things when I'm spooked {my unwelcome snake visitor}. Even though the last two weeks I've mowed I haven't had any surprises.... I was nervous weeding out my flower bed. I harnessed Jake and Cezar up and had them hang out with me. What a fabulous solution to my anxiety problem. The boys loved being out front and I was able to dig around in the my flowers. I was quickly reminded how therapeutic gardening is for me {even if it's simply pulling out weeds}. I also trimmed off the runners on my strawberries and gave my ginormous tomatoes a haircut. in hopes of getting better light and air circulation into the center of the plant. Crossing my fingers... I can't wait to eat more heavenly goodness from my own little garden. 

live and let live

it's a hard lesson to learn.
I'm trying more and more to accept everyone and everything for who and what they are.
everyone has their own agency and gets to experience life in their own way.
we all have our own voice of conscience
we don't need everyone playing the roll for us

tonight as I was sitting on my patio enjoying the light breeze and trying to cool down {Jake is a mini furnace}
I watched as the boys were tearing around the back yard burning off the last little bit of energy.
in that moment I was a warm fuzzy happy inside
just an hour earlier I was having a 'holly' moment.
I was exhausted and worn out and ready to crawl into bed and indulge in it....
however since the sun was still out, we hit play and watched another episode of our current show.
as I was basking in my warm fuzzy happy moment
I realized that I experience 80-90% good
and only 10-20% bad
gratefully I've come a long way from were I was last year at this time.

each day brings new light
and each day I take another step
some days are easier than others
some days I make more progress in becoming the woman I am {have the potential to be}

my bad moods don't last as long as they used too
and even though I'm consistently tired
{thank you dear health}
I find that I'm progressively in a better place

I'm only human though...
and heaven only knows how many faults I have
but I see growth inside myself.

you can't judge my choices

without knowing my reasons

-unknown

a day off

yesterday I crawled into bed about 6 and rested for awhile. I was waiting for Mitch to put the new intake in on his car. Unfortunately it took a lot longer than he expected so dinner was pushed aside for 2 hours. Once he was done we grabbed Cafe Rio and curled up on the couch. It was a perfect way to spend the evening. 

Having a day off mid week is unbelievably fabulous. I loved having today off being able to take things as they happened. From our insane 100 degree weather on Monday to a chilly 65 on Tuesday, we slept very well last night. With such a sound rest it was hard for me to crawl out of bed and head to yoga this morning. As always I'm glad I did. My poor body is stiff and achy and yoga is the magic medicine for me. I brought home breakfast  for Mitch and I. He works the late shift on Wednesdays which allowed us to spend the morning together. We even took the boys for a short walk down at the lake before he had to work. {we really need to be better about walking them.... their energy was off the walls before we went}

I decided that I would listen to what ever my body wanted to do today. So after our walk, I sat down to rest for a few before I felt the urge to sort out the growing mess of laundry on my side of the closet. Hooray for washing those ginormous piles... I have clothes to wear hanging up now :). 

I was still tired and was lacking the energy I needed to get the planting done I had planned to do. But since I decided to let my body call the shots today, I crawled back into bed with the boys for a nap. Generally I would feel guilty for napping if I had a long list I wanted to get done {which I did} but no guilt today. Every now and then I think we all need to cut ourselves a little slack. 2 hours later I woke up feeling a tiny bit better but let myself absorb the moment. 

A bowl of cereal, a little blog reading, switching of the laundry and a bit of caffeine later; I was ready to finally start in the yard. I planted the rest of my vegetable garden. 7 artichokes. 4 jalapenos, 2 large basil, and my yard long Asian red beans. Weeding, and harvesting rhubarb and baby beets. It was a good start. Watering and deadheading my hanging basket was the next to get checked off. Jake was eager to head back inside. He isn't in love with the outdoors like Cezar is. Cezar is a much better buddy when I'm out in the yard puttering. I made juice with my harvest of baby beets. It's the first time I've ever given the veggie a chance. Mitch said he likes them juiced and so I decided to grow them and give them a try. I juiced tomatoes, carrots, apples and my beets. It was a gorgeous color and rather tasty {thank you apples}. Mitch came home for his lunch break and was grateful for the juice. Spent a little time with him before heading back out to the yard. I was pleased by how much I was able to plant and take care of in the yard today. I feel accomplished and rested at the same time. If only I was able to manage this everyday.... wouldn't that be nice. 

Tomorrow I'm heading back to the doctors. I haven't been feeling as well lately. About two weeks ago as I was falling asleep I was thinking about how I was doing so well and making big improvements in my health and then all of a sudden I felt like I was falling backwards. I decided that it was time to see my NP again and see if there is anything more we can do. It's frustrating to feel unwell all the time and I was so lucky to have 2-3 really good months there for a bit. Sure glad my fear of needles is subsiding.

a little bit of therapy

last night I woke up just after 2 am to go to the bathroom and with in moments my head exploded with the most horrible headache. I laid back in bed and thought I might be able to fall asleep.... unfortunately my head just kept pounding. I decided to head downstairs to take some vitamin I, and then I realized I wanted to do Pilates. Weird eh. It's been almost a month since I've made it to class. My body craved the routine of Pilates. I headed back to bed but my craving for exercise didn't subside. I woke up realizing that I have successfully incorporated exercise into my daily life.

I woke up this morning with the same horrible pounding in my head. My sweet Mitch woke up with endless amounts of energy and I couldn't come close to match his energy. All I wanted to do is lay in bed and rest and wish my headache away. Finally I managed {with the prodding of Mitch} to roll out of bed, let the boys back out and eat some breakfast. As we discussed our day, I began to feel a little better and wanted to get a few things accomplished in the yard before I made my way into work.

working in my yard has become a wonderful form of therapy for me. I've been gathering a beautiful collection of plants on my back patio for the last few weeks. my goal was to get them all planted sooner than later and luckily with the cloudy weather I was able to finally get some in the ground. spending the morning getting my hands dirty in my yard seemed to be exactly what I needed. planting, weeding, digging and watering.

my mood is yo yo-ing lately. waking up on the wrong side of the bed, finding a happy balance for a few hours, dragging through the afternoon and then making it home with who knows what mood.... grateful to spend another evening at home and spend Sunday resting up.

taking it one day and one moment at a time lately

Today is one of those days I'm taking one moment at a time.

The boys were antsy to get up and outside.
Potty break around 6:40, crawling back into bed minutes later.
As Mitch gets up and ready for the day I remember I need to wash my work pants.
Hurried downstairs to throw them in the wash
crawled back into bed again.
and spent the next 50 mins staying cozy and flipping through my favorite blog reads, email and other apps
7:58 I hurry to throw on my yoga clothes, feed the boys and make it to the gym on time for yoga.
I'm grateful for the chance to make it to yoga in the mornings {even though I really dislike the closing shift at work}
I'm still so tight and stiff from the past few weeks of work...
it feels good to move, stretch and lengthen my body.
{I highly recommend Yoga to anyone. It has been an incredible addition to my life lately!!}
A quick trip to the grocery store for more of my favorite cereal and cans of caffeine,
unloading and loading the dishes,
putting dinner in the crock pot,
and putting food on my tummy.....
Now I'm sitting in bed enjoying the quiet until I have to head into work.

I'm in need of another spilling....

I'm exhausted

A good night's rest is not enough to get me through my days

I'm excited for Mitch's birthday next Friday because I have two days off!!

My moods are quick to change lately

my to do list is always growing 

but my body isn't quite up the the challenge lately.

Yesterday I accomplished a lot  at work.

Finally got the green house looking more presentable and tidy,

but by the time I made it home and we had come back from picking up dinner....

I was beyond my breaking point.

Dear body, please let me survive another week of work

sometimes it all comes pouring out

I don't recall the last time I sat down and really wrote down what was rolling around inside of me. I've been so busy for the past couple of months that I can't remember the last day off I had besides Sunday. It's probably been at least 2, maybe 2 and a half or even 3 months. Luckily I had been feeling really well. Because of that though I kept pushing myself.

So far this year I've been holding true to many of the goals I had set for the year. Spending less time on the internet, spending more time with the ones I love. Working on myself and my health. focusing on actually living my life to the fullest. I wonder if perhaps I may have lost a few of the things that added meaning and happiness along the way.

Since the middle of January I have been consistently going to the gym at least 3 times a week. Adding exercise into my routine wasn't easy at first but I started loving it and relying on the benefits I was receiving. May is our busiest month of the year and the past 2-3 weeks has been more demanding on my time and body. I hadn't been able to squeeze time into the gym. After 8-10 hour day my body was in need of rest. {Not that I was able to sufficiently give it the rest I needed. This week started with a long Monday, a short day on Tuesday but I spent the middle of my afternoon swimsuit shopping with my sister Abby. {Hell must have frozen over because I came home with a gorgeous new one piece. it was a pretty penny too} Once I finally made it home I quickly started on yard work. The lawn needed to be mowed, and with the forcast predicting rain I couldn't put it off much longer. Watering came next and planting a few things too. As Mitch and I crawled into bed last night he asked what my plans were for the morning since we had a dentist appointment mid morning. I told him I was going to yoga. I needed it and it's been far too long since I had been.

Between the insane wind storm that blew through the night and Cezar's restlessness, I had a lousy night's sleep.7 am my alarm goes off like it does every morning. after letting the boys out for their morning business, Cezar and I crawled back into bed to enjoy the quiet of the morning. I debated if I should fall back asleep or make it to yoga. Yoga won. It was the best decision I made today.

Perhaps with pushing so hard lately I have accidentally put myself in a funk. I need to find a perfect balance. There are days that I rush myself with trying to get everything accomplished and it doesn't leave me in a happy place. It wears me down day after day. On a rare day I find the perfect pace and am able to enjoy the moments and breath a little deeper.

Blogging is a place for me to keep record of our daily lives. It has been a wonderful outlet for me for so long and with the past few months I just haven't been feeling it quite the same. Today as I was sitting at the dentist  everything inside of me started rolling around and bubbling up.and because I haven't exactly felt the urge to spit up my thoughts lately, it caught me by surprise. I'll roll with it though. Maybe letting everything flow out is a start in the right direction.

Next weekend {the 1st} will be my first day off in who knows {march?}. It will be spent with my sweet hubby celebrating his birthday. I don't know what we'll do on Friday and Saturday but it will be wonderful because it'll be spent together {not a work}.

Hopefully I'll continue to let my inner self pour out more often.
maybe even get caught up on some good rest....

This evening when I got home I let the boys out and watered my collection of plants on the patio. I grabbed my camera and spent a bit of time playing. Oh how I loved shooting in manual mode. It felt good.

Running through my head

Last week flew by in the blink of an eye. Or at least it sure felt that way. I feel like I kept on top of everything for the most part. Monday with the Hart boys, Tuesday to Saturday at the garden center. All my mornings have been early. 

I didn't make it to Pilates at all. Instead I spent that time in the yard. It was good and bad. I missed the extra boost I get from exercising. It's amazing the difference it adds to my days. 

I ended up in a funk again. Two rough days. Yoga didn't even kick it on Friday. Luckily Saturday brought me a cheery attitude. 

Mitch's cousin Peyton made a trip down from Idaho to pick up his mustang he had getting tuned up. Peyton and his girl stayed over Saturday night. We stayed up  way past our bedtime. It was good getting to know them, but my body punished me for it yesterday. I got up at 7:30 with the boys to let them out, then crawled back into Bed til 9:30 ish. Afternoon nap and went to bed at 9 for the night. Still a little run down this morning but feeling better for the most part. 

Wise words

A man carries in his heart 

what he sees in the world.